my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize