just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
