There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
