I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I didn't notice because vodka
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
