I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
