I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
