brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
