Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
