Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
