but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
