Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
