I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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