a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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