You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Boobs are out for the taking
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
