Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
