i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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