so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
