stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
