Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
