i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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