Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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