I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3pm strippers are depressing
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.