Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
