He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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