I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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