PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
