Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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