At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
