You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
