I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
