I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
