pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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