right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
