Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
