mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
