Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
