3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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