What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
