Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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