i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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