mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
