Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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