he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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