Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
