sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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