Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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