my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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