if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
