She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
