Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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