my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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