i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
