just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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