i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We're too hungover to prance.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
