Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
