There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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