If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
