DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
