I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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