I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
