My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink