Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
