I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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