i just wanna soil my oats bro
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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