Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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