everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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