it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
