He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
