Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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