sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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