I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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