i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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