Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
