Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
