EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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