textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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