While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize