My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
