Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
